WEIRD QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Lets have a round of applause for the wonderful and sad death of Lena Horne!" 

-Jools Holland. This is the weirdest thing Jools has said since he asked an old friend of Django Reinhardt's how Django was, Django Reinhardt's been dead for 57 years. Jools specialises in saying weird things about dead people.

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WEATHER REPORT

The weather today will be squeezy in the north, with slight hugs from the west. Tomorrow the south west will feel left out and sulk till midday.








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DA VINCI FANS "SICK TO THE PITS OF OUR STOMACHS"

Irate Leonardo da Vinci fans from all aover the globe have gathered outside the Louvre museum in Paris to riot against stuff.
"We're extremely angry and feel the need for vengeance against these upsetting events, besides we've never tried rioting before, usually we just go to museums or private collections, or read books." said one very annoyed fan.
They seemingly can't decide what they're more upset about, firstly the mere suggestion that one of  Leonardo's works be altered caused them a rather nasty case of insomnia and seemed to worsen their allergies, then the claim by the curator that the Mona Lisa contains "boring bits" caused them to be, as one malady stricken fan put it: "Sick to the pits of our stomachs."
They are now reported to be gathering weapons of mass destruction at the Louvre.
EVENING ALL! asked one man what they planned to do with them.
"Well, we've never really handled weapons before so we're really quite nervous, but we're seething with indignancy so who knows, maybe we'll borrow books from the library and  learn how to fire guns and stuff. Oh damn, I dropped my bullets down the drain. Hold my gun will you?"

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Disclaimer: This is a load of fabricated nonsense, if you believe it you only have yourself to

blame.

PROPOSED MONA LISA SIGNS

Staff at the Louvre are considering making alterations to Leonardo da Vinci’s great work which resides there. In an unprecedented move they plan to make her even more recognisable than before. Worried by her unusually small size they are concerned many may just pass her by without noticing. Professeur Jean Claude Renne Michel de Chateau Montblanc said “ Well nor-mally we ‘ave the larg(soft g)e crow-eds aro-wend the paint-ting, but per’aps we do not weone morn-ing (please apply stereotypical French accent for further special effects, our budget can no longer afford these expensive fake bad accent effects. Continue-) the small number of visitors may find it hard to find her, and then Sacre Blue! Where then are we? A beautiful lady ignored?! Mon Dieu! Beauty when overlooked becomes like the rose in the motor engine, redundant if you will.” said the curator.
Professeur Jean Claude Renne Michel de Chateau Montblanc has come up with a never before attempted solution for the problem which involve actually marking the surface of the painting:
“I have here the indelible marker, and I plan as you can see in the computer generated image to write a clear message on the boring bits which nobody will miss.”
At which point Michaelangelo was heard to laugh audibly from beyond the grave. The ghost of da Vinci was later seen examining the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel for boring bits. I wonder did he mean nobody will miss the boring bits of the painting, or nobody will miss the signs? I think he meant the boring bits.

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Disclaimer: This is a load of fabricated nonsense, if you believe any of  it you only have yourself to blame.

AN OPEN (LOVE) LETTER TO JULIETTE BINOCHE (La Binoche)

Dear Juliette,

I mad like your Frenchness, you're a top-notcher no doubt, and when you did that shrug with your shoulders in that movie the other day it impressed me no end. I didn't even quite understand why you did it at that moment, it wasn't a time Irish people would generally shrug, so its mysterious French nature filled me with awe.
Also I like how you smoke cigarettes, I know, I know, I'm not supposed to say that these days, and maybe you should stop smoking, it's not good for you I've heard, but you looked like a real person smoking a ciggy, not an actor pretending they smoke and straining to look sexy unlike most actors from a certain famous movie industry in a certain big country when they do decide to be "daring" and have a character smoke in a scene to show how bad they are.

Anyway, just wanted to share Evening All's appreciation of you with your good self (and everyone else), if you ever want to give us your phone number or ask us (well me) on a date feel free to contact us (well me).


No disclaimer necessary, we mean this one.
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