EVENING ALL!: WORLD CUP UPDATE:

PRETTY BOYS EXPECTED TO PLAY FOOTBALL TOO!!

Disclaimer: This is a load of fabricated nonsense, if you believe any of it you only have yourself to blame.

In what has been described as a "massive miscarriage of justice toward beautiful people" by Antonio Banderas, it today emerged that FIFA actually expect the more aesthetically pleasing players to engage in athletic nonsense and competition along with their fellow players.
A comment was over-heard at a secret FIFA press conferance made by none other than FIFA President Sepp(tic) Blatter. Mr. Blatter was heard to say something like "We all know how gorgeous Cristiano is, but he still has to play football". The comment was then leaked by the international press who happened to be standing by with microphones and dictaphones, and camera phones and gramophones (playing Leadbelly).
The dasterdly fiends then went and repeated what they heard, leading to outrage from the pretty people of the media. Johnny Depp is reportedly inconsolable, weeping and fixing his hair repeatedly, while Beyonce is said to be going on hunger strike until the situation is resolved to her satifaction. The pontential loss of Beyonce's booty is putting massive pressure on FIFA who declined to comment but were seen weeping and wringing their hands. At this point the press reportedly stopped playing Leadbelly and opened their mouths wide and let their jaws drop in a well rehearsed display of shock. Martin Nuttella of the International Press Association said "We've been looking for an opportunity just like this to show our acting skills, we've been working very hard at it and are looking for parts in movies and t.v. Nothing big at first, just small cameos or maybe even extra work. We got tired of always being behind the cameras."
Apparently Cristiano Ronaldo is puzzled by the fuss saying simply "Yeah, I knew that already, I've been treated cruelly for years."
EVENING ALL! is still recovering from the loss of Ronaldo from the competition, only to be followed by the loss of Kaka and the sending off of Suarez of Uruguay the next day. Our regular sports reporter Chancer MacSwindle took to the bottle and isn't expected to be seen for a while, this article being penned by our cookery expert Mrs. Beetlejuice, and isn't she doing a fine job? Hum? Hum? Oh well suit yourself.